Newborn Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Pregnancy & Childbirth That Would Have Helped

Pregnancy and childbirth are often described as magical, but new moms will tell you that reality is far from the picture-perfect stories you read in books or see in movies. From unexpected changes to emotional rollercoasters, there’s so much that new mothers wish they had known beforehand. 

We spoke to five women who recently gave birth, and they shared some of the most important things they learned and experienced—things they wish someone had told them earlier. 

SemicHealth also spoke to Dr Staci Tanouye, a gynecologist-obstetrician based in Florida, United States, who shared helpful insights regarding these pregnancy experiences and actionable steps to help ease pregnancy and childbirth.

Whether you're expecting your first child, planning for the future, or a loved one to an expectant mum, their insights will help you know what to expect and to prepare better.

No one warns you about crying over the weirdest things – Clara, 25

I didn’t expect my emotions to be all over the place during pregnancy. I cried over the most ridiculous things! 

But the one that shocked me the most was when my doctor told me my baby was over 3.5kg and was on a big size. I just broke down in tears. I kept thinking, “Will I be able to push? Will this be a difficult delivery?” I cried and cried. 

At the end of the day, my baby was born 3 kg, and just looking back now, it’s so funny. I cried over even more little things that I cannot remember. I suspect it was the hormones, though, because I’m not usually like that.

Your baby might control your body more than you do – Ugochi, 37

There were days I’d dress up, ready to go out, but for some reason, I just couldn’t. Deep down, I wanted to, but my body refused to cooperate. It was like my baby was the one deciding what I could or couldn’t do. 

The strangest part? Even my cravings weren’t really mine. One day, I badly wanted coconut rice, but the moment I smelled it, I felt sick and ended up eating ukwa instead. And this was something I had never liked before pregnancy. 

It was as if my baby had total control over my body, and I was just along for the ride.

It’s possible to lose weight while pregnant  – Ifeoma, 32

I always thought pregnancy meant adding more flesh, but mine was the complete opposite. My first trimester hit me like a storm. I lost my appetite completely. No matter how much I tried to eat, I just couldn’t stomach anything. 

I forced myself to eat small portions, but it never felt like enough. The weight started dropping, and I was shocked. People kept saying pregnant women gain weight, but here I was, looking slimmer than before. 

It worried me so much, but my doctor reassured me that as long as I stayed hydrated and ate whatever I could, my baby would be fine. Thankfully, my appetite slowly came back in the second trimester.

But, is it normal to lose weight when you are pregnant?

Weighing in on this, obstetrician-gynecologist Staci Tanouye, (MD, FACOG) tells SemicHealth that it’s not normal for people to lose weight during pregnancy, and unintentional weight loss during this period should prompt evaluation. Also, intentional weight loss during pregnancy is not recommended given the risk for having a low birth weight infant.

The recommended weight gain for people with a normal BMI (18.5-24.9) is 25-35lb today, while the recommended weight gain for overweight and obese BMIs is 15-25 lbs and 11- 20 lbs, respectively.

That being said, if someone is gaining less weight than the recommendation, but still has an appropriately grown fetus, there may not be a need to increase weight gain, she adds.

Breastfeeding struggles can be heartbreaking – Ezinne, 26

I never expected breastfeeding to be this difficult. My baby just couldn’t latch on to my breast for some reason, no matter what either I or the doctors did. 

He would cry in frustration, and I felt completely heartbroken. The only way to feed him was through a syringe, and I cried so much because I was worried that he wasn’t getting enough food. 

The emotional toll was heavy, and I started feeling like I was failing as a mother. But by the 10th week, he finally latched. It was like a miracle, and all the struggle suddenly felt worth it.

Healing after birth may be harder if you skip perineal massage – Nancy, 27

Nobody told me how painful recovery could be. I thought that once I had my baby, everything would slowly return to normal, but I was wrong. Sitting down was uncomfortable, walking felt like torture, and every little movement reminded me of the pain. 

I later found out about perineal massage. Something I wish I had known earlier. Maybe it would have made things easier. The stitches, the soreness, the constant discomfort- I wasn’t prepared for any of it. 

I just had to endure, praying each day for relief. If I could go back, I would have done everything possible to make my healing smoother.

People often wonder whether practises like perineal massage make any difference. 

According to Dr Tanouye, antenatal perineal massage has been shown to reduce the risk of significant perineal tears during birth. However, I don’t know of any studies that have evaluated postpartum perineal massage after birth as a way of improving healing, she adds. 

Birth plans can fail, and it can completely throw you off – Ezinne, 26

I already had my birth plan mapped out in my head. A vaginal delivery, minimal interventions, and a smooth recovery. But life had other plans. 

When the doctor said I needed a cesarean section, I couldn’t believe my ears because I wasn’t prepared for it at all. Both mentally and physically. The fear, the sudden change in plans, everything messed with my head. But at that moment, all that mattered was my baby’s safety. 

I had to trust the doctors and go with what was best. The recovery was tough, and the scars reminded me of how unprepared I was. If I had known, I would have educated myself more on all possibilities.

Stress can make you bleed during pregnancy, and it’s terrifying – Ifeoma, 32

Nobody told me that stress could make me bleed during pregnancy. With a toddler running around and pregnancy already draining me, I was constantly exhausted. 

Then, one day, I noticed blood, and my heart dropped. I was sure it was a miscarriage. But after rushing to the hospital, the doctor said it was stress-induced bleeding. It kept happening whenever I overworked myself. 

I had to learn the hard way to slow down, rest more, and stop pushing myself too much. It was scary every single time, but in the end, I carried my baby to term and delivered safely. If I had known earlier, I would have taken things easier from the start.

Keep in mind that while emotional stress may not be directly associated with bleeding in pregnancy, ​​physical stress and trauma typically are. 

Any trauma to the abdomen can increase the risk for placental abruption and lead to bleeding and complications, Dr Tanouye explains.

Nobody told me my belly would itch badly – Clara

I knew pregnancy came with changes, but nobody warned me about the insane itching! My belly itched so much I wanted to scratch it off. It started small, then got worse as my stomach stretched. 

Oils and creams didn’t always help, and some nights, I couldn’t even sleep because of the itching. I tried not to scratch, but the temptation was real. 

I wish someone had told me how bad it could get so I wouldn’t have been so shocked. If you’re pregnant, just bear in mind that your belly might itch.

Simple things like skin stretching or dry skin can cause the belly to be itchy during pregnancy.

But other things that could also cause itching that may need more evaluation are a skin rash condition called PUPPS, Dr Tanouye points out. If there is no rash involved, especially in the third trimester, we look out for cholestasis of pregnancy.

Dr Tanouye further explains that cholestasis of pregnancy is a liver condition that leads to an abnormal accumulation of bile acids that can be risky to a fetus. It typically causes itching of the palms and soles of the feet and can involve the abdomen, too. 

We can evaluate this with blood tests and may do additional antenatal screening or even early delivery at 37 weeks if we suspect cholestasis of pregnancy, she adds.

Pregnancy can mess with your mind in ways you won’t expect – Nancy, 27

Why is it that nobody talks about how pregnancy can mess with your mind? I expected the cravings, the morning sickness, and the body changes, but the influx of so many negative thoughts? That one came as a shocker. 

Some days, I’d wake up feeling anxious for no reason. I’d overthink everything. What if something went wrong? What if I wasn’t ready? My mind was just a mess. 

I had to consciously find ways to stay positive, and I tried to through prayers, talking to my family, or just distracting myself. But to be very honest, I struggled. I realized that pregnancy is as much a mental journey as it is a physical one.

Wrap up

You see, pregnancy and childbirth are so unpredictable. No matter how many stories you hear or books you read, your experience will always be unique. These mothers shared their stories not to scare you but to prepare you. 

The truth is, nothing can fully prepare you for pregnancy and childbirth, but knowing that others have been through it and come out stronger can be reassuring.

In Dr Tanouye’s own words, pregnancy and childbirth are often new, exciting, scary, and unpredictable experiences. The best advice I have is to find a delivering physician or CNM who you trust and create an appropriate support system around you.

Here are some key takeaways to keep in mind:

• Your emotions might be all over the place, and that’s okay.
• Your body will feel strange, and sometimes, you won’t have control over it.
• Breastfeeding isn’t always easy at first, but it gets better.
• Pregnancy symptoms aren’t the same for everyone. Changes in weight, bleeding, and even excessive itching can happen.
• Healing after childbirth takes time. Prepare for it.
• Your mind may play tricks on you, but you are stronger than your thoughts.

So, if you’re an expectant mum reading this, give yourself grace. You’re doing better than you think. Remember to stay in close contact with your doctor, attend your antenatal classes, and take good care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and otherwise.